Human Sexuality Part II – The Party Continues

In Part I, I started an explanation that starts with basics.

Sex is private. It can be holy. Sexual maturity is the first stop for presenting my understanding of the traditional Jewish approach to sexuality.

Maturity is recognizing that sex is more than “just fun.” It includes the realization that we’re dealing with a lot of power, and power is not to be played with. Sex is not a toy. It can lead to the miracle of birth. The “therefore” of that statement is not that we should all hold hands for a kumbaya of mutual love and peace. Uh, not. The “therefore” of birth being a potential outcome of this three letter word is that it should be treated with more than just excitement for fun – that’s the roller coaster at the theme park. It’s more than fun; it’s awesome.

Maturity includes the ability to regulate a relationship with past, present, and future. Sexual maturity would include then respect for what sex is. Fun? Yes. But exponentially more than that as well. It includes the ability to create life, pass on deadly disease, ruin one’s emotional well being OR serve as an incredibly strong bond for two people who choose to have their paths together.

If this were only a physical act, we’d have no disregard for prostitution. It would be a great American institution, as opposed to something that virtually no one takes as an upstanding part of life. It ranks somewhere between a shame, a necessary evil, or a fraternity creation.

Do we need studies to prove everything that we say? I don’t. I purposely appeal to the inner voice of common sense. If you think prostitution is great and noble, we won’t see eye to eye on much of anything. I can hear an argument that it fills some purpose. I’d disagree, but I can hear it. The point is that we recognize that it is anything but noble.

Why?

To be continued . . .

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A Cure For Homosexuality?

You want to see something odd?

Try questioning whether or not homosexuality is something that can be “fixed.” You don’t need to write a thesis on the topic or even give a class. Just question it. Go post a comment on somebody’s comments somewhere. It can be a news site, someone’s blog, or a youtube video.

You’ll be slammed.

It’s become much more obvious than a bite from a horsefly. “This is the way you were born. Learn to live with it.” “It’s who you are. Learn to accept it.” Everybody with a brain knows that homosexuality is normal, wonderful, and important to celebrate. If you disagree with this, you are wicked.

If you take this experiment a step further and actually state with confidence that homosexuality is unnatural, immoral, or not normal . . . watch out! Make sure that post doesn’t have any personal information attached to it. You’d be safer to go for a stroll in Iran draped in an American flag.

The conversation is not allowed! It is an accepted fact! There must be no dissension!

Name calling will be mandatory. You will likely be called a closed minded homophobic, scum bag idiot.

My opinion? It’s my blog. The conversation is allowed here. I’m not so sure that it can’t be “cured.” I’m quite certain that it is immoral to engage in homosexual relations. There may be some small degree of biological leaning (I’m pretty sure that there is), but it is mainly nurture.

I am not homophobic. I do not want to know what people do in the privacy of their homes. I do not want laws on the books in America that negatively affect people based on their sexual decisions. I do not want public schools to teach that this is normal. I do not want marriage to be redefined.

Call me names. Bring it on. Just beware. I am not likely to respond in turn. I enjoy civil discussion.

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Sexual Identity Continued – Gay, Straight, or Bi?

In my last post, I noted that there are two responses that follow sexual attraction – one, a deeper human-needs based response, and the second a sexual response.

For example: John sees Jill and immediately thinks, “Wow.” The two levels of reaction will work on a massive spectrum. The desire to connect to another human is connected to a human want of being loved, understood, cherished, appreciated, and/or cared for. John may think, “This is a girl that I’d like to spend the rest of my life with.” He may have no thoughts whatsoever of maintaining any relationship. This is usually working on a level below the surface. We don’t normally walk around feeling a loneliness that is awakened on a conscious level when we look at the right person. However, it is there. When a person is on a high enough level, there is little to no desire to connect deeply to a person to whom you would otherwise be sexually attracted.

John’s second response is more immediate, and more in his easily perceived consciousness. He may comment on Jill’s looks or a particular body part. There is even a chance that he will, within seconds, express a desire to engage in a particular activity with this person who he knows nothing about.

These two responses are not mutually exclusive. Some people are so shallow as to only want physical connection. Some are so real as to fully recognize their spiritual selves and keep focused on the shallowness of the surface sexual attraction. Most of us have a balance.

The point that I want to make here and now (which I hope/plan to develop much more fully) is that when a person calls him or herself gay, straight, or bisexual, all it means is that when they look at a person of the same, opposite, or either sex, that is when they have these feelings.

Huh? Why go to such lengths to define things like this? Simple.

There is a world of difference between the following two statements:

“I’m lazy.”

Or:

“I struggle with laziness.”

To say, “I’m lazy,” is to limit yourself. That is what and who you see yourself as. Story over.

To say that you struggle with your laziness is to recognize your weakness. It leaves hope. You recognize that you can improve.

So too, there is a world of difference between the following two statements:

“I’m gay.”

Or:

“I find myself aware of sexual attraction when I look at a person of the same sex as me.”

I have gay friends/readers. Let me preempt you. Chill out. The analogy does compare homosexuality to laziness. It does imply that it, too, is a less than ideal state. It is only an analogy. It is meant to make a comparison. I will develop this comparison more as we go and explain it more clearly. This is a blog and not a novel. Chill.

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Christian Stance Revisited

In my post, My Christian Position, I laid out a relatively passive position towards Christianity. After thinking about this, I think I’ve short changed a lot of the voice within me that I want to express and a lot of the voices of people “out there” that I’ve met and that have been an impetus of sorts for me to try to voice my understanding. While there is much to be appreciative for from the Christian world, I’ve met too many people who want to know G-d but question Jesus or Christianity. For me to be overly passive towards Christianity is to ignore a problem that nags a lot of people. My desire is not to confuse or upset anyone (unless that confusion or “upsetness” leads to greater clarity or happiness), but these questions are important.

I still plan on avoiding an all out frontal assault. I do not seek debate, yet I want to lay out some of the reasons why I and my people reject Jesus and Christianity. All of these questions can be answered by Christian apologists, but do these answers resonate with truth? This is a question of what I call internal consistency vs. external consistency. Something is internally consistent only after you accept premises to bring you “into the club.” If a cult leader claims to be a prophet, then certain favors from twelve year old girls could be important to quelling satanic desires in the entire world to help bring the messiah. However, that won’t be externally consistent because prophesy in the Jewish usage of the word is objectively verifiable and not a title for every charismatic pervert.

These questions are not meant to hurt or destroy. I hope they help you wherever you are.

1. If G-d gives the rules in front of the entire nation, establishing His reality and law in front of a couple of million people with miracles, signs, and wonders, how could a fair G-d change the rules without calling everyone back to cancel the original plan with as much fanfare?

2. Where is peace on earth? The Messiah that everyone awaits is the one to usher in a new era. That “ushering in” process is to happen in the Messiah’s life.

3. Where is the oral tradition? The written Torah is nonsensical without it. We’re told to circumsize our sons, but there are no instructions how. We’re told that animals must be slaughtered properly, but again – no instructions. We’re told to place signs on our arm and “totafot” between our eyes, but this isn’t explained. There are questions and seeming contradictions on nearly every verse, yet with no oral companion to explain it people still praise this book. I hear how the atheists and non-believers attack the Bible and I find myself agreeing with them because without an oral tradition, this book does seem to be more than a little strange.

4. Is G-d fickle? There are over 20 examples of G-d telling the Jews in the Five Books that a particular commandment is forever. What does that mean?

5. This is a part ‘B’ of the above question. There are several chapters where G-d talks about the reality that the Jews will stray. There is no mention of a new approach to serving Him. There is not a mention of going so far as to end the era of Torah law. Instead the verses talk of the Jews returning.

6. I also wonder about the role of blind faith in many Christian systems. Why would G-d give you such a marvelous tool as logical thought if at the center of your entire belief system you are required to suspend it. The difference in Jewish theology is subtle yet nearly polar opposite to blind faith.

I do not seek debate because debate is a world of presenting two sides and, for me, there is only one. I’ll answer most any respectful question about where I am and what I’m writing. Debate is an exercise in futility. Discussion and clarity are wonderful – nay G-dly.

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What insulting name should I call atheists?

If I were to really take on atheists head on, without any regard for tact, with a no-holds-barred attitude towards name calling, I’d probably say that they are a bunch of idiots.

I don’t want to get into name calling, so why did I just write that. One. Because I do question the idea that an intelligent and honest person can not believe in G-d – yes I’ll elaborate. And two, I’ve dangled the name calling thing out there because it’s the tactic that atheists seem to recognize.

So . . . two points for this post. 1) Why is atheism idiotic and 2) Why does a guy who doesn’t want to get into name calling allow this seeming exception.

1 – We live on a spinning ball. It’s dangling in space. Life as we know it couldn’t exist if it stopped or if it were going at a different pace. There is another globe going around us (the moon). Its spin creates an entire tidal ecosystem. The two together go at a perfect pace around this really big (until you compare it to other star/suns) ball of fire that doesn’t extinguish. Closer or further away – we’re toast or ice. Seasons, day/night, birds, fish, amphibians, reptiles, lungs, butterflies, oak trees, and oreos – all balanced in perfect harmony. What a pleasant coincidence! As I suggested in my first post on atheism, I will not take the stance that therefore any particular religion is true. That doesn’t follow. I’m only talking about G-d the Creator.

How can one honestly and intelligently look at this world and claim chance! A couple more questions that have puzzled me: what did bees do before flowers? or the flowers before the bees? There are countless examples of interrelationships between organs within the same organism and organisms within the same system that can not exist without the other. Another puzzle that I haven’t been able to figure out. This is a question for those who enjoy saying/writing things like, “When it became advantageous for a bird to fly, it developed wings.” I don’t know if any serious scientists say such things, but this type of horribly incoherent language is prevalent throughout pseudo scientific articles and other places of supposed intelligence. Exactly how did my great great grandfather – the earlier organism – know that there was sound out there before the ears developed? This type of imaginary approach to life is . . . weird. Step back and think about what you are proposing! Help. Help. Help. I need to devolve to understand this.

2 – The name calling is because I don’t know how else to deal with this. I don’t care how many phD’s you can put in front of me to prove to me that there are intelligent people who believe this. So what. There are intelligent people who believe that there is a G-d; intelligent people who do not; intelligent people who believe that Jesus died for the sins of humanity; intelligent people who do not. That there are intelligent people who believe something doesn’t impress me. Nothing could be more counterintuitive that randomness in such a world. Oh, yes, some things do seem random. What that means is that we have an exceptionally well planned world with some difficulties. Super. Let’s see if we can understand those difficulties But to ignore all of the pattern, intelligence, and interrelationships because of some inconsistencies is . . . you pick the name that I should call it.

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My Christian Position

A feel a great need to make an official statement about Christianity.

I know what I want to say, but there is a “stuckedness” about this topic. Again, for me, it’s striking a balance.

In order to have a balance, we have to have two (at least) sides. There are some famous voices in the Jewish world who have taken great steps to befriend the Christian world. Michael Medved and Dennis Prager are the two with whom I am most familiar. Their stance is that America is largely a Christian country, and the incredible religious freedoms that we have today are due largely to this religion. Both of these men are highly intelligent and I don’t mean to overly simplify their approaches, but I think this is a fair summary. I like that their message has helped many Jews to realize that not every Christian has as his highest priority the conversion of the Jews. They have helped me and many others to remove the fangs that Jews have in the past associated with Christianity. For this, I think they should be applauded.

However, history isn’t so easily forgotten for many Jews whose approach is keep the Christian at a long arm’s length. Jewish blood has flowed very freely in the name of Jesus – both from the Catholic and the Protestant worlds. In addition to this, there are missionaries who have a passionate desire to bring the “good news” to the Jews. Many Jews resent this.

Before I get to my seemingly balanced position, I have to add an important piece. I believe that Christianity is wrong. Forget about the utilitarian aspect for a second – that it has brought much goodness to many people and that many people’s lives have been vastly improved by Christian living. Every observant Jew believes that it isn’t true. This leads me to my balance. I have now stated that I don’t believe it’s true. I might again state this idea, but I don’t want that to be my task. For that, I’ll direct you to Rabbi Tuvia Singer or Jews for Judaism. This is my way of honoring the appreciation that I have for the freedoms I have without being confrontational towards the group that has been, perhaps, the Divine Messenger to bring these freedoms to me, my family, and my nation. I do believe that every Jew should be familiar with why we don’t believe in Jesus, and I do believe that there will come a time where non-true religions will be revealed as such. I remain open that I’ll have a share in that task, but not here and not for now.

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To Swat or Not to Swat

A parent numbering scale would be helpful. In order to get a feel for one’s parenting skill, we could invent a method of scoring. It would be a combination of number of children, ages, number of parents, amounts of fights per day, miles of carpooling per week, etc.

This idea came to me when I realized that I had 61 years of parenting under my belt. I came to this number by adding up all of my kids’ ages (there would be a cap once they reach 18 in this system). At what point can one give parenting advice? I thought that I knew something about this before I had kids. It turns out that a lot of what I thought was right, but forget about it because 1) so much was wrong that it more than outweighs the right and 2) what parent in their right mind wants to listen to some goofball with no kids?

This first comment on parenting is about corporal punishment – aka spanking or potching (although from my computer’s spell checker I see that potch is, unfortunately, not a word). There are loud voices on both sides of this argument. Lo and behold (can you ever say “lo or behold”?), I find myself in the center.

There is a voice that says simply don’t do it. This voice includes some rabbis whose word I value greatly. This voice also includes studies that conclude that corporal punishment is not only cruel but ineffective. This voice is so strong that there are laws being proposed that would outlaw spanking.

On the other side of this topic is the “Spare the Rod” group. Here too there is a rabbinic voice and a “secular” one. The rabbis warn about being too soft. The non-rabbis often point to effective parenting that works. So, we could chalk this up to, “Do what you want and point to your source.”

In a certain sense, you can’t have a middle path here. You do or you don’t. Still, there is a crucial balance that I have done a fairly good job of implementing and I’d like to share it.

Spanking should be two things. First, it should be a last resort. Try reason. Try distraction. Try prevention. Alternative punishments. Stern warnings. You get the point. It can be so easy to swat a child to get the behavior that you want, but you risk getting the behavior in exchange for losing the child. For those in the spanking camp, certain behavior would bring immediate action – running into the street, but in most situations, there is an alternative that will be more effective.

The second condition is the hardest, but the most important. Never with anger. This is your gauge that the spank is for the child’s benefit and not yours. This is the way that, if the spare the rod idea is still relevant today, you will teach correct behavior and not unhealthy anger management.

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War. What is it Good For? Somethin’

We find several times in the Torah, G-d telling the Israelites to wage war. (The one that I just read is in Numbers 25:16.) This is one of the departure points for non-believers to find an “Aha!” “You see,” goes the argument, “this is their peace loving G-d.”

Let’s be honest. I can hear the argument. Don’t these believers paint a picture of a loving G-d, desirous of all of mankind to enjoy a life of blessing and joy! This same G-d commands war against a nation simply for living on a piece of land. We, of seeming advanced consciousness and civility, can easily recognize that there are more peaceful ways to handle our disputes. Yet, this supposed G-d of the Bible seems to be a war monger. What’s with this?

Let me put my bias on the table. I don’t present this as a proof that G-d wrote the Torah, but I fully admit that this is my starting point. Instead of starting with my American, western, modern sensitivities and poking holes in what seems to be problematic text, my starting point is a Divine and flawless author. It is now my job to understand how this fits with my sensitivities. If there is discord between me and G-d, guess who’s wrong? (There are people who like to point to Abraham arguing with G-d about the destruction of Sodom as proof that G-d is fallible. I’ll add it to my list of topics to blog about, but this is simply not the traditional take on that dialog. Until reform Judaism, there is no discussion about G-d’s mistakes.)

So, back to our topic: how can war be ordered by G-d? And the frightening question that follows is, “Where can this idea lead to?” If I think that G-d orders war, then what’s the difference between me and an Islamic terrorist?

Maybe this is what a friend of mine calls a “guy thing,” but this first question is incredibly self evident to honest men. (True, I don’t like name calling, and I did just imply that if you disagree with me on this that you are dishonest. I’ll try to justify such a passively aggressive attack (which I think I just made less passive aggressive and more direct if you’re keeping track).)

The guy thing is that there is a time to fight. Before you slam the phone down on this post, hear me out. Personally, I have neither been hit nor struck a person with the intent to hurt in my entire adult life (near to 30 years). Bar fights are almost always stupid and wanton acts of violence. (Nor am I fan of world wide wrestling, but that just may be a sign of great evolutionary steps in human development, so I don’t want to be critical.)

The Guy Thing Fight Theory states that pacifism is wrong.

To make as many attempts as possible to settle disputes without violence is honorable and commendable, but there is sometimes a time to fight and even sometimes a time to kill.

The most simple example would be when a person comes to hurt or kill innocent people. It is obvious that we’ll rapidly approach a slippery slope, but there are times when it is not only right to kill, but it would be wrong to avoid killing (think armed killer at kindergarten). Just to stop anyone ready to pounce on me, it is also true that this isn’t really a guy thing. A woman should also know that there is a time to fight or kill; it’s just that I’m a hopelessly traditional guy proud to be taking care of my wife and children. Me big strong man. Woman no fight when big strong man here. Ugh.

Why then does a loving G-d command the Jews to wage war? It is a very sad fact that war is sometimes necessary. We came from Paradise, and we are heading back there, but now . . . we’re stuck here with each other and some of us want to slaughter the others. Part of serving a loving G-d is a readiness to wage war. You go on a preemptive strike when your intelligence is clear that this is the only option. When G-d commanded the Jews to wage war, there was no flaw in the intelligence. The WMD were there.

The difference between this and Radical Islam? G-d’s revelation to the Jews was to an entire nation. His reality was firmly established for each and every one there. There was no dissent amongst the people as to who was the leader and what was the chain of command. It was a direct relationship between G-d and His nation. With Islam (and others waging war in the name of G-d), the people put their faith in violent hate filled men whose positions have never been substantiated publicly by G-d through public revelation. Their followers have the same perverse hate-centered world of death and destruction. The Jews have never waged as much as an arm wrestling match because of our great pain about an insulting cartoon. The differences are . . . distinct.

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Suffering

As if I could cover this in a post on a blog.

Still, let’s look at a couple of angles.

There are atheists who use suffering as their departure from G-d. The argument goes something like this: with children born with congenital diseases, how could there be a G-d? The “popular” Jewish attack is more holocaust centered. “Where was G-d in the Holocaust?” or “After the Holocaust, I can’t believe in G-d.”

I’d like to offer people an option to this problem that I feel is a much healthier and more honest “resolution.” Instead of “How can there be . . .,” let the question become “it’s very difficult for me to understand.” It is much healthier because there is a G-d, and this question is designed to help a person navigate the crests and turns of a sometimes tumultuous life. A life lived with thoughts of G-d is happier and healthier. It is more honest because the G-d that I refer to is infinite, and it is a bit dishonest to presume that His finite and imperfect creations can fathom His ways.

Quickly. Get away from this. It’s sounding canned and preachy. Truly, I have no desire to embody either of those terrible and usually inane adjectives.

The bigger point that I want to explore a bit is how I frame suffering in my life.

Point one: suffering is not bad. It is most certainly bitter, and it most usually difficult. It is not bad. To inflict suffering upon another is usually bad, for that is a moral failing in the inflicter. To suffer, however, is to experience unpleasantness, often extreme. But that’s what it is. Not more.

I understand a natural response is to tell me about some terrible level of suffering that I don’t understand. “How can you say ‘not more’ when I lost a child in a horrible accident!” I don’t mean to minimize anyone’s suffering. I consider myself to be a very empathetic person. I just mean simply to help properly define the term. It is not bad. It doesn’t mean, either, that I believe that suffering is good. No. Good and bad are moral terms. Our morality is found in the realm of how we relate to suffering. A reaction to suffering could be good or it could be bad.

If we climb into the nitty gritty of this, we could ask about G-d’s morality for bringing suffering. If I torture a person causing them undue suffering than I am bad, but if G-d does the same, than He is not? Why does G-d get off so easy? Or would I suggest instead that suffering is good, seeing as how it comes from G-d?

The final point for this post will help to address “G-d’s morality” as well as give what I would consider to be the most crucial component to understanding this. I do not offer this as a proof, and I’m fully aware that it is part of a belief system whose validity I am not currently establishing as true. That said, I believe with a complete faith that there is what Jews call “The World to Come.”

This world is many things, but for the needs of this post, it is a place where the unfair is made straight. That which we perceive as crooked in this world is understood and “corrected.” It lasts forever. There, the suffering will make sense. There is an analogy that helps to explain this well. (I have dear friends who are skeptical of the goodness of inoculations for children. If this is you, please assume for the sake of the analogy that they are clearly good.)

A mother has to take her two year old to the doctor for his shots. They are necessary, and they may very well help this child avoid getting any number of horrendous or deadly diseases. It is a great act of kindness for this mother to bring her precious son to the doctor for the sake of having the child’s skin pierced by several needles in order to inject the child with various chemicals. The child will cry, perhaps scream. There may even be welts and other allergic reactions. If you could ask the child whether they wanted to experience this pain, they would howl with delight at such a stupid question. There is little in the world that they would prefer to do than to avoid this shot. The mother knows this. Yet, she gets into her car with her baby carefully strapped into a car seat. She may even listen to classical music on the way to the doctor. Is she cruel? The analogy is clear.

G-d brings us through life with lessons for each of us to learn. We judge Him and His plans with the great and advanced intellect of an infant. Just as the infant simply doesn’t have the tools to understand disease and future possibility of contracting these illnesses, we don’t possess the vessels to understand all of the calculations of where we’ve been, where we are going and what we need to do along the way.

Suffering in this context is not understood. My goal is not to understand suffering. Rather, to frame its place in life. We can’t fathom G-d’s mind. We can, however, learn to trust Him. A mentally stable and good mother would never plan on bringing harm to her child if not for the child’s own good. Still, sometimes she does things with great intention and planning that causes great pain to this object of her undying love and affection. Suffering is not bad. It is just bitter.

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And the Rules (Part II)

Part I of this post is where we started down the path of considering the power of miracles (yes, yes, if they exist Mr. Skeptic!).

When we kick all of those factors into gear, we get a very strong challenge to our thoughts of the Jews coming out of Egypt. Here it goes:

The Torah claims (and for 3000 years no Jews denied) that the miracles of the Exodus included 2 – 3 million people (this is a huge variance – it’s based on the Torah’s claim of 600,000 military aged men). The miracles lasted for over forty years! These messages of G-d revelation were crucial to the daily lives of the Jewish nation, and we were left with physical confirmations of these miracles for subsequent generations.

Each of these contains a “Wow Factor” that deserves its own paragraph, page, chapter, or book. I’ll give them each a sentence or two, which just may lead into a paragraph for your reading ease and visual comfort. As we expand each idea, it would do us well to consider these implications. To go from one person to two people, the believability more than doubles. Each person we add to the count of people present to see and experience a miracle, the more powerful it becomes, and the more near to impossible does the ability to deny it become.

A miracle that lasts for a full day would shape a person’s life forever. The Torah claims that the Jews lived in the desert for forty years, eating manna from heaven and drinking water that sprang from a rock and traveled with them throughout their sojourn. Their clothes didn’t wear out. To experience one miracle for one minute would likely change your life. They lived in a world of constant and total miracle for approximately 21,024,000 minutes.

The skeptic’s question at this point is simply, “Who says that the Torah is valid?”

I’d like to address this topic more fully later, but let me throw out a thought or two to chew on for now.

Once you have a claim of such an awesome magnitude, – and a claim of 2+ million people living in a constant state of “suspended reality” for 40 years is seriously awesome magnitude – you have to consider how such a claim could have sneaked into the collective knowledge of a people. Where was the generation that first believed this? What was the generation before them believing? Who would believe a claim that includes, “Your parents experienced this,” if their parents deny this? The Torah life is centered not around the places of worship, nor even the study halls. These institutions are crucial to our people, but the most important institution in the Jewish people is the family. Passover centers around the Jewish table, where the father tells his children about these great miracles. That part is not a new invention. It’s written in the Torah. How did this get past the collective conscience gatekeeper?!?

Please post with questions or attacks (friendly and polite, of course). Challenge this if you can. I’d like to hear a plausible answer to this. I don’t seek blind faith. So many people respond, “Well, when it comes to religion, it just comes down to faith.” This is an interesting idea, but it’s not true. The way that this has been expressed to me is really a substitute for, “You just have to believe because it can’t start from the intellect.” This is not the approach that I try to live. It is not the traditionally Jewish approach.

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