Sexual identity and sexual attraction exist on a fluid continuum. No?
Forget about studies and percentages. Drop (for now) all debate about causes – nature vs. nurture.
There are men attracted to women, men, both, and neither. Same with women. There are men who think they are women and women who think they are men. Who cares (for this point at least) how they got there. This is the true state of the world.
What is this attraction and what do we do with it?
The feeling of this attraction can be awakened by the actual sight of a person, or it can be generated by thoughts or words. You can either see a person or even just think of one, and there you are experiencing attraction.
Now what? What form does it take? Do you want a friendship? Companionship? To touch or be touched? Held? Loved? Do you want to control or dominate? Do you want to be understood and appreciated?
There are two levels of response. The first is a deeper, barely perceptible, almost ephemeral feeling of wanting companionship and the second response takes on a personal, adult form that connects to a sexual fantasy. (By sexual fantasy, I don’t mean necessarily X-rated. It could run the gamut of holding hands while walking down a beach to . . . let’s just say all sorts of other things.)
This point – that there will often be two responses – one human-needs based and one sexually based – will have many ramifications. First, how do we define ourselves and how does it connect to feelings and thoughts about what we want to “do” to others? There is so much talk that objectifies people – literally turns them into objects – objects of our desires. Understanding where it starts and how it manifests in each of us is an important key to healthy sexual identity. This idea, then, will not only help us to understand ourselves, but it can greatly aid us in finding a fitting companion. A third byproduct of this idea is actually a very spiritual concept that can completely change your life for the better.
Stay tuned as I attempt to continue this idea over the course of the next few posts.
Sexual Identity Continued - Gay, Straight, or Bi? « BALANCE said
[...] Identity Continued – Gay, Straight, or Bi? In my last post, I noted that there are two responses that follow sexual attraction – one, a deeper human-needs [...]