An overwhelming amount of material on parenting will have something to do with getting your children to listen to you. We want to manipulate their behavior to fit our vision of sanity and goodness. Whether it’s a communication technique or a way of improving your own behavior in order to set the correct tone, this is what parenting is all about.
There is an aspect to this idea of authority that has been invaluable to me, and with all joking aside about how difficult kids are, mine are (usually) very obedient. The idea is simple.
In our family, it is clear to our children that there is a commandment from G-d to honor and obey their parents. The psychological mechanism in this is wonderful. My children are getting the message that my authority is not intrinsic to me being bigger than them. My authority comes from G-d. What comes along with this (and I tell this explicitly to my children) is that if I were to ever tell them to go against the will of G-d, then they shouldn’t listen to me. You have to listen to me because G-d says so – not because I’m bigger and stronger – not even because I’m smarter and older than you (with some of my kids, I’m not so sure about the smarter part). It’s a wonderful idea and it works.
Like every gem in parenting, there are exceptions to the rule. There are children that will be more or less obedient. The biggest caveat to this idea is that your children sense that you have a subservience to G-d. It is not a Sabbath concept – once a week paying homage to an invisible power that is forgotten throughout the week. It works because your life has a central focus on morality, spirituality, honesty, growth, and goodness. When this is fundamental to your life, the authority of the parent becomes real. If G-d is real to you and you respect this power over the children that He has given to you, your children will sense this and respond to it.
